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Friday, February 26, 2010

Why do I think Monday is always a good day to start healthy living?

Monday is not my day. Maybe I should start on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday even? But, definitely not Monday. Monday is the day I go back to work. Monday is the day when traffic decides to be its thickest and I just want to drive into Thorton's and get a donut and a diet coke. Monday sucks to start a diet. Yet, I still decide that Monday is best. Who knows, maybe I am really into self-sabotage. I think thats it. But really, I am starting my diet on Sunday this week. No more excuses, really this time (Thats to you Travis!). I figure Sunday is the best day. I meal plan on Sunday and do the grocery list. I work Sunday, but it is always awesomely slow so I feel less stressed after the weekend. Amazing Race comes on Sunday which makes it the best possible day ever :) Also, Sunday is not Monday, which may be the best reason of it all!

Now, watch for a new post Monday, because it will get in there. I am sick right now, or I would start today. I spent yesterday thinking to myself how the guests of my hotel must think of me when they look at me. I felt so self conscious all day long, and guys, thats just not me. I am a confident person. I hit a age in college where I could really care less what people think about me. It was liberating, yet, those feelings creep back to me on certain days, and yesterday was one of them. I know that I am the only person who can make those feelings go away. So, yeah, Sunday, those feelings get squashed. No longer do I feel inadequate because of my weight. I will soon love myself again :)


Oh, and this was me at my thinnest...this is my goal. Don't mind the total young, self-portrait...I may never be this young again (23) but I can feel this young! :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

My story

Hi I'm Chelsey. I'm a brand new mom to an adorable boy named Keyser and an amazing wife (if I may say so myself :) to an equally amazing husband, T. But, this is about me :) Now, now, I love my little family, and my life revolves around them, but this is something I got myself into and this is something I need to get myself out of.

If you looked up yo-yo dieting in the dictionary, you will probably see my face. I feel like I am the poster child for it. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It all started when I was about 5. I lost a ton of weight (not on purpose people!) and I threw up mostly every meal. The doctors told my mom I had a bad case of the stomach flu. Um, yeah, for a whole month!? She knew better, call it mother's intuition, and got me seen by a wonderful doctor, who essentially saved my life. Turns out, I had a duplication cyst on my stomach...really rare, and it basically means my stomach was trying to duplicate itself. I have heard many theories, such as I was supposed to be a twin, but regardless, I had half of my stomach removed and part of my pyloric sphincter. This was the beginning of the end for me. First, after nearly a month of not getting any food into my stomach, the 5 year old me couldn't get enough. Also, this pyloric sphincter has a few responsibilities, one being able to send a signal to your brain when you have had enough food. My signals weren't going there, which means I was gorging because I thought I was hungry, and in turn I would eat so much it made me sick. This was a learning curve I had to get used to. I have finally controlled it, I think, but it is still a struggle to remember that my eyes are much bigger than my stomach.

So this brings me to recent years. I was and will always be "chubby". Or as my husband refers to as "thick"...lovely. :) I have big bone structure, wide football player shoulders, and calves that have muscles to rival Hulk Hogan (another husband reference ;) I have been blessed with a muscular physique, albeit not a scary one, and unfortunately, I NEED exercise to keep myself in a less chubby form, as like I said, I will always be chubby. I played soccer my whole life, in high school and a competitive traveling team. Running close to 8 miles every game has a way of keeping you in shape. I also swam in high school, and was on the track and field team. I worked out nearly everyday of my life...yet never got below a size 14. This is my life, and I am used to it. I stopped playing sports when I went to college. I had played my whole life and really wanted to enjoy my college life, like beer and boys :). Before I left for college, I lost a whopping 40 lbs! It was the first summer since I stopped playing sports and I continued to work out. My boyfriend broke up with me and I was on a mission. Well, fast forward to October my freshman year of college, said boyfriend wants me back and I give in. We go on to date another 3+ years and I gain another oh, hmm, 60+ lbs. Yuck! By the time I met my husband, I was over 300 lbs!!! I was depressed and disgusted. Thankfully for me, I met a wonderful man who loves me for me. Loves me for my beauty within, and isnt afraid to tell me what he thinks. I asked him one day in October 2005, one month after we first started to date, if he thought I was fat. Total girlfriend question, and he said yes. I sobbed, I smacked him, and then I smacked myself...right up against the forehead. I WAS fat...really fat! This lit the biggest fire under my butt ever. I used a a low carb diet and daily workouts, and I lost over 110 lbs! It was amazing, I felt great and felt like a weight had been lifted, literally and figuratively. Then...We get engaged. I gained maybe 30 lbs. I get married, oh, then goes another 30 lbs! I decided after my second pregnancy loss (which added the lbs too, believe me!) that I wanted to be a healthy mom. I workout and eat smaller protions, and I lose 20 lbs. Then, I got pregnant...so hello 31 lbs! I lose 20 lbs after pregnancy like that (snaps fingers) and I have gained 5 lbs back from that. Grand total: 251 lbs. I weigh more than my husband. I am seriously hanging my head right now. So, here we are. I need a change, for me, my family, my future.

Heres the goals: 50 lbs by the end of the year
100 before the next child (2+ years)
maintain this goal without the use of fad diets

I will suceed. I have no choice. Soon my son will be mobile, and I need to be able to get around!

And for motivation: Heres the pic that started it all.