Bad week

Good news:

I LOST the TWO lbs I wanted to lose! Woot woot!

Bad news:

My grandma passed away. I am not sure if I lost the weight based on my diet or because I havent really been hungry lately. She was an amazing little lady, and her passing has made me very very sad. I have 2 grandmas, but she was my Grandma, if you know what I mean. She was so adorable and such a sweet woman and we were very close. I will miss her greatly.

This week will probably be all about family and the such, but I am still trying to watch what I put in my mouth and the such. I do plan to come back when all the craziness stops a bit to update more, but for now, I lost the 2 lbs I wanted to and I am satisfied with that.

Until next time...

Fresh Start

Sometimes, it takes looking at yourself in a full length mirror without any blinders on to realize whats needed. Sometimes, it takes seeing yourself in a window. Sometimes, its all of the above.

I saw myself in a window at work the other day and didnt recognize myself. I am guessing I have always had some shred of self-confidence because I never really look in a mirror and think "Ewww, I look disgusting!" Thats a good thing. But the other day, I looked into that window and didnt see Chelsey. I saw a 255 lb lady that looks like she let herself go. She looked like she was unhappy, she didnt take the time for herself anymore (not due to baby, but because she didn't feel like it matters at her size). She looked big, as in fat.

When I realized that this is how people see me, I refused to look into that window again for the rest of the night. I was ashamed of myself. I have never felt that way.

I know I have said it before, but I need to change and this is it. I plan to take weekly photos of myself to mark my progress as well as updating my ticker **points above** to show you and myself how far I've gone!

Heres the goal:

Lose 2 lbs a week
Lose 50lbs by my son's first birthday (October 27th, 2010)

I have done the "math" and it works out that if I lose the weight this way, I should be done right before his birthday, about 2 weeks before. This should be right in time to get his first birthday pictures done, which will also be our first family professional pictures. If thats not reason enough, I dont know what is!!

I leave you with my starting pictures...yuck!

Why do I think Monday is always a good day to start healthy living?

Monday is not my day. Maybe I should start on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday even? But, definitely not Monday. Monday is the day I go back to work. Monday is the day when traffic decides to be its thickest and I just want to drive into Thorton's and get a donut and a diet coke. Monday sucks to start a diet. Yet, I still decide that Monday is best. Who knows, maybe I am really into self-sabotage. I think thats it. But really, I am starting my diet on Sunday this week. No more excuses, really this time (Thats to you Travis!). I figure Sunday is the best day. I meal plan on Sunday and do the grocery list. I work Sunday, but it is always awesomely slow so I feel less stressed after the weekend. Amazing Race comes on Sunday which makes it the best possible day ever :) Also, Sunday is not Monday, which may be the best reason of it all!

Now, watch for a new post Monday, because it will get in there. I am sick right now, or I would start today. I spent yesterday thinking to myself how the guests of my hotel must think of me when they look at me. I felt so self conscious all day long, and guys, thats just not me. I am a confident person. I hit a age in college where I could really care less what people think about me. It was liberating, yet, those feelings creep back to me on certain days, and yesterday was one of them. I know that I am the only person who can make those feelings go away. So, yeah, Sunday, those feelings get squashed. No longer do I feel inadequate because of my weight. I will soon love myself again :)


Oh, and this was me at my thinnest...this is my goal. Don't mind the total young, self-portrait...I may never be this young again (23) but I can feel this young! :)

My story

Hi I'm Chelsey. I'm a brand new mom to an adorable boy named Keyser and an amazing wife (if I may say so myself :) to an equally amazing husband, T. But, this is about me :) Now, now, I love my little family, and my life revolves around them, but this is something I got myself into and this is something I need to get myself out of.

If you looked up yo-yo dieting in the dictionary, you will probably see my face. I feel like I am the poster child for it. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. It all started when I was about 5. I lost a ton of weight (not on purpose people!) and I threw up mostly every meal. The doctors told my mom I had a bad case of the stomach flu. Um, yeah, for a whole month!? She knew better, call it mother's intuition, and got me seen by a wonderful doctor, who essentially saved my life. Turns out, I had a duplication cyst on my stomach...really rare, and it basically means my stomach was trying to duplicate itself. I have heard many theories, such as I was supposed to be a twin, but regardless, I had half of my stomach removed and part of my pyloric sphincter. This was the beginning of the end for me. First, after nearly a month of not getting any food into my stomach, the 5 year old me couldn't get enough. Also, this pyloric sphincter has a few responsibilities, one being able to send a signal to your brain when you have had enough food. My signals weren't going there, which means I was gorging because I thought I was hungry, and in turn I would eat so much it made me sick. This was a learning curve I had to get used to. I have finally controlled it, I think, but it is still a struggle to remember that my eyes are much bigger than my stomach.

So this brings me to recent years. I was and will always be "chubby". Or as my husband refers to as "thick"...lovely. :) I have big bone structure, wide football player shoulders, and calves that have muscles to rival Hulk Hogan (another husband reference ;) I have been blessed with a muscular physique, albeit not a scary one, and unfortunately, I NEED exercise to keep myself in a less chubby form, as like I said, I will always be chubby. I played soccer my whole life, in high school and a competitive traveling team. Running close to 8 miles every game has a way of keeping you in shape. I also swam in high school, and was on the track and field team. I worked out nearly everyday of my life...yet never got below a size 14. This is my life, and I am used to it. I stopped playing sports when I went to college. I had played my whole life and really wanted to enjoy my college life, like beer and boys :). Before I left for college, I lost a whopping 40 lbs! It was the first summer since I stopped playing sports and I continued to work out. My boyfriend broke up with me and I was on a mission. Well, fast forward to October my freshman year of college, said boyfriend wants me back and I give in. We go on to date another 3+ years and I gain another oh, hmm, 60+ lbs. Yuck! By the time I met my husband, I was over 300 lbs!!! I was depressed and disgusted. Thankfully for me, I met a wonderful man who loves me for me. Loves me for my beauty within, and isnt afraid to tell me what he thinks. I asked him one day in October 2005, one month after we first started to date, if he thought I was fat. Total girlfriend question, and he said yes. I sobbed, I smacked him, and then I smacked myself...right up against the forehead. I WAS fat...really fat! This lit the biggest fire under my butt ever. I used a a low carb diet and daily workouts, and I lost over 110 lbs! It was amazing, I felt great and felt like a weight had been lifted, literally and figuratively. Then...We get engaged. I gained maybe 30 lbs. I get married, oh, then goes another 30 lbs! I decided after my second pregnancy loss (which added the lbs too, believe me!) that I wanted to be a healthy mom. I workout and eat smaller protions, and I lose 20 lbs. Then, I got pregnant...so hello 31 lbs! I lose 20 lbs after pregnancy like that (snaps fingers) and I have gained 5 lbs back from that. Grand total: 251 lbs. I weigh more than my husband. I am seriously hanging my head right now. So, here we are. I need a change, for me, my family, my future.

Heres the goals: 50 lbs by the end of the year
100 before the next child (2+ years)
maintain this goal without the use of fad diets

I will suceed. I have no choice. Soon my son will be mobile, and I need to be able to get around!

And for motivation: Heres the pic that started it all.